|
[01 Jan 2006|08:05pm] |
i cant get that sound you make out of my head
i cant even figure out whats making it
it sounds like fingernails across the moon
or do you rub your wings together?
theres a mean bone in my body,
and i would hurt a fly.
|
2 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[30 Dec 2005|01:34am] |
the snow is burying my thoughts
like an avalanche but all color is lost
im always looking for a shade, red maybe blue
but i see in black and white, thats not a lie.
|
1 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[17 Oct 2005|01:10am] |
hollow out my eyes this year i'm a ghost,
a soul seen better roads, but at least more then most.
effortless mental medicine to storm through my body,
i've been walking forever, and by now i wish someone had caught me.
and on the might and light of secret shakes, toothaches, and earthquakes..
boys and girls dancing with the devil cause their bones ache,
in the basements i wrote my life on the walls,
documented a passing in the purest form.
this is not the end, no one can take your heartkid.
.
.
.
but it went off into the mist, like this,
his wrists were too thin but his spirit could lift the life of any man.
and this house, and this life , and these eyes, and these hands,
they are getting old, but i tell him to please smile, and fake like he understands.
and his life can sink like the sun, on fire.
birds on the wire, talking behind my back, while i walk passed.
while i stalk my past through the eyes of the last known drone to tell me to go home.
but i cant have a home,
when i cant sleep at night,
and i cant be alone,
for this entire f(l)ight,
my jaw is far too glass for that,
my heart is far too attack for that,
my arrest is far too cardiac for that,
my spirit is far too dark to flash,
or to detach the fever from the back of the giver and the receiver,
your face is not your own until i see you smile,
im not in denial, im just sinking without thinking into the files that pile up to your ceiling,
stealing one more look, what is that feeling?
|
1 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[04 Aug 2005|05:12pm] |
that look doesn't suit your face sweetheart.
stretched in old skin and new sin we can dine like kings.
a thousand thieves once told me that knees were the new feet..
delete, effortless, defeat.
|
2 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[29 Jul 2005|11:31pm] |
effort felt like it was gnawing at my heels,
and i was throwing up jealousy,
"sir, i resent that."
ma'am, i'm doing the best i can.
you plus him equals me divided by fuck.
"but i don't understand?"
look at my hands.
i cannot sleep, and i cannot speak.
i can only sit and swing my feet.
i am just a boy,
please miss don't shrink me.
"but you are just a boy."
don't blink you'll miss me.
i didn't catch cold but i swear to god it was freezing,
and i left home for the night,
i watched the sun die, and be born again
like i wish i could do,
make warm peace amongst cold men.
make amen feel like it meant something then.
not use it as a scapegoat for my real problems.
i am addicted to the cancer,
and immune to the solvant.
please miss won't you shrink me?
"yes boy i would love to."
from your mind i will fall.
"so much courage, i look forward to forgetting you."
i pushed through the wind,
beacon street was dirty.
my legs felt old,
but my doubt felt sturdy,
i got past the first stage
and the second is killing me
my life as scene through the eyes of a small boy.
my body, my mind, my resistance, unwind.
won't you shrink me
"no boy, i cannot."
please just erase me,
"i can bear not the thought."
doubt crawled up my spine colder then december.
my eyes were unfocused, i blurred out the center
and i felt like a fuckup
each time i remembered,
that i came from this place,
and i'm still here, i surrender.
|
5 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[19 Jul 2005|10:11pm] |
The heart, and we go backwards, but i think not of symmetry.
one by one they all go to the river to drink,
and i watch, and i feel hope for us; together.
it is not the plight of the pilot, that makes me focus on my breathing.
but the flight itself, that lifts my lungs.
it is not the cuts on my knees that stop me from kneeling,
but the fear that i am far too much a coward to ask.
throat deep in denial its dusk and i am everywhere but here,
anywhere but there, i am not going to run.
but i will hide, i will seek, i will think not of chances but of chance.
if time is after me, i guess i just have to lay down.
to think of a face, to belong, i would give it all.
the aftershow is really just starting to begin,
and im not even dressed.
i am still in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror.
my face feels old.
i really would like to fly you know,
but im far too much a little boy for that.
everything after september is blurry,
but im sure it was just before august that my knees buckled.
and my eyes went slack and closed,
so focused on waking up i forgot to sleep,
i heard a great white noise, and i saw through your chest..
and i tried to get into your heart, but i choked on my own breath.
and i never got in.
i skipped stones down at the lake last october, or last night
and i remember how easy it was to just forget.
am i incomplete or just forgotten?
and then the sun hit me, and i didn't think anymore,
i just ran, and i always am still running.
|
3 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[16 Jul 2005|02:58pm] |
oh the misfortune is hungry in this one,
eyes are alive with devine intervention,
i will not bow out unless i get the big bang,
i am george bush, i am plastic arms and legs,
i am a thermometor jacked way past 105,
i was breathing, and i felt dead inside,
painfully aware, and very much alive.
the future is bleak, but when you speak i feel sterile.
and when you sing i feel revived,
and when i capsize in my mindfuck canoe,
i still cant escape you.
i am the desire to be felt and to be seen
i am corporate leaders, and am the death of all my own dreams
inside the political party bubbling in my brain
i am not republican, i am not a democrat
i know no green party,
i am a dictator dictating things that will crush empty feelings,
i declare war! on myself.
tuba banjo bongo harp
bass trout striper carp
river lake ravine ocean
carry me on, forward motion.
at the core, is everything i do, stare with me, shout with me,
make me you.
|
3 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[23 Jun 2005|01:16am] |
tick tock/ tick tock/ tick tock
and lucy cried..
start stop/ start stop/ start stop
when her heart died..
oh no/ oh no/ oh no
did mommy lie?
who said? shes dead? at least inside?
get electrified.
get pasified,
its genocide,
of teenage wives,
of shotgun brides,
all petrified, but won't defy?
you've got no choice, unless you die.
uh oh, hold fast, shes going to snap,
think last, kill first, oh my god thats got to hurt.
too cute, white teeth, not bleach? pride please?
cash? or credit? i just love that plastic, now im gonna axe it,
now im gonna smash it.
did you hear? shes gonna axe it, oh fuck! shes gonna smash it!
dads dead, moms fried, coked up, white lies,
black tar, titty bar, our little baby has come so far.
shes all grown up, look at that ring, thank god..
she got knocked up, now we chalk up, another _____, so stalk up.
on breathmints,
drop hints,
get hits,
cheap lips,
make money,
hustle hunnie,
a girls got to shine,
oh oh so stunning.
C what i see.
H ate what i hate.
E verybody
A cts like they
P lay for keeps when
i know you better then them.
you want power, he wants to pollinate,
cause youve got that flower, that he wants to detonate,
you want real love, he wants to procreate,
fuck me, i give up, look at me i spread my legs,
like a moviestar, big cigar, racing car,
post neurotic, pre psychotic, manice depressive,
thats impressive.
|
4 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[20 Jun 2005|12:54am] |
i cant hear myself think
i pose, poised and on the brink of a break through.
im not as classy as im sure youre used to, but i was born into a shell
grew up at the bottom of a well, learned to cast spells,
and play tricks on myself, oh well?
i liked to run, miles, and my mileage is getting heavy,
and so are my eyes, but i didnt mean to alarm ya,
a little birdy once told me that was called karma,
and he said tweet tweet its comin to get ya,
dont go to sleep now, or im gonna let ya know,
this is not a joke, reality tv in a chokehold
now in reality do you really wanna be me?
or see me more clearly? or swing your palms
and rip through my life, songs about psalms,
i used to talk to god, but those days are long gone,
now he talks to me, or thats how i wish it could be,
i am not afraid to fly, oh no i am not afraid to fly,
and neither were you, it didnt matter when the flu flew through lives
like lightning through the sky, now its aids that hits heavy
fuck, were too young to die/ but youre never gonna get there if you dont try.
do not break your stare little boy, soon youre gonna grow up and be real strong,
but not for long, because youre dying from the day you are born,
youve been warned, forwarned and forlorn, by yourself?
dont worry its just the eye of the storm, this is the only way
that you will ever learn,
learn to not depend on other people hands
because their hands wont be there when you fall down on your knees
motherfuckwhat? we're not bees, weve got no hive to fall back on.
in our time of need/ needs, oh please, you can do better then him?
but i dont think i can. hes got a good head on his shoulders,
plus that heart could move boulders, and yours is colder then my shoulder
when i turn on you, because i could see through you
since the day you first flew or blew or blew up into my life.
ever and after, laughter fills my head, ghosts are in my bed
and the bees are tucking me in. the end; begin?
|
2 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[16 Jun 2005|01:01am] |
asleep or dead
hungry but well fed
an empty bed with a head full of lead
makes for a 2am feast where there is no need to break bread
or break custom, but if you trust them; dont, stop, fast
ive been there, and back, oh god, they are so last week
but i speak fluent bleak, and my mouth is so sleak
but my brains a fleet of battleships, and warriors
who glide on hard feet, and solve problems with more problems
and leave behind a need to rewind and find a place to sit and unwind
at the end of the nine to five, cancer eats cells to survive
my cells eat brains to derive a method to critisize everyone elses life
but i realize that even if i find the answer, id lose the question
a quest to perfection for a breast fed prozac nation,
or a neo- whatever, post- whatever, birds of a feather
stick together, but die seperate, do you get it?
i dont, but i forget sometimes, oh i hate to tell the whole truth
ive been crowding clouds over a clouded crowd, thats cloudy but loud
and they only whisper when the lights are on, dim but grim
they scream to fit in, and i know, because ive been there
and im still there, aware of the despair that fills the air
with a fistfull of fear and flair for facial metal and teased hair
you dont belong here go home, fashion drones, robot, machine
metal, steel, steal a heart, you need one
one that doesnt know how to love, death from above, vultures come
and mice go, beaks, overthrown goverments, nature is a pro
and im the protagonist, watch out.
|
6 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[13 Dec 2004|04:14pm] |
momma said baby boy you gotta silkscreen your dreams,
because some people cant bear to listen to your soliloquies,
i lost count of the countdown, i got lost in the lockdown,
i saved face while you sang grace( bless 1234 us 678)
and you smelled fear while i lost taste.
not walking but running
not starving but hungry
we smell love on your breath, we smell love on your death!
(we stayed alive to watch our heroes die!)
A shocking incision blurred out your vision!
(the plaque of our past is coming back alive!)
i need a pick me up, please come and pick me up
in your old ford pickup come and give me up.
hangover clouds rain 85 proof!
(if you're watching it in plasma it's worth the brain cells you lose!)
the operators name is robot she lives just like you!
(the newsies in the street sing we got nothing left to lose!)
ring out your hollow heads! fill up your empty meds!
you're a pro on p-r-o-zac baby!
depression is emptyness! fill up your empty beds!
with strangers that taste like c-a-n-dy!
an alechemist with a solemn streak of bible
a bastard lawyer swears to god that you were liable
were you aware? of the danger in the air...
when you parted your lungs to feel more like christ!
there is a pride of lions feeding on a diet of dietys,
(1 2 3 4 stack your bombs up to the sky!)
keep your frequency on zero, drown out the uglyness of our society!
(5 6 7 8 the afterlife can wait, stay stay alive please!)
|
7 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[06 Dec 2004|04:34pm] |
San Pietro said we can wait,
upon this rock i will build my church!
upon this very foundation i will install thousands of years of faith into peoples hearts and souls. Not until after they turn their backs on me will they realize what they have done, crucified, famous, forgive them father for they know not what they do?-?=.
for they know not how they act.
not until they turn their backs will they realize what they've done.
the soul, and everyone is always beside me?
but we're falling apart, where did this start?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
when children cry, and we give open arms, whats to believe that feelings can not make a man free?
we have a choice, we almost always have a choice; stop, think, consider your options, there are almost always options. In this sitation what can i do to fix my problems?
fight them with bigger problems.
buy a new car, break an old promise, take a new drug?
your thoughts are almost never entirely your own,
chances are someone has already thought them, maybe someone you know,
maybe your twin? somewhere in the world almost everyone has a twin.
dna can only be so different so many times.
through the night our dreams are an almost non-stop spiral of thoughts bouncing around our heads, mixing and matching fears and new people you've met and desires you have. you dream at the speed of unconscience thought, not at the speed of expressing thought well awake, weather it be just thinking them or talking to another person, so thats why things when you're asleep go much much faster. thats why you only remember the last few seconds of a dream. you can relive more then a few seconds worth of details from your dream in your head, but thats only because your brain is thinking up the details at such a quick speed. sorting between and somehow deciding to place your unorganized thoughts into your long or short term memory, your own personal secratery working away while you sleep, toiling endlessly through your thousands of thoughts deciding which are and are not important.
welcome to crazyworld.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
when you sneeze your heart stops.
people used to believe that at the moment of a sneeze your heart stopped allowing the devil to get inside you.
"god bless you" is todays often misunderstood defense to that forgotten myth.
i think its funny how things like that stick around long after their reason for being there is forgotten.
god bless you.
|
|
|
[17 Nov 2004|10:59pm] |
let's get back on our feet.
there is a disaster in the pastures of all these crowded tenaments,
and the u.v. rays have been makin' friends with the wrinkles on your face,
oh no were breaking through the(ir) ozone layer, the president or even the mayor(terminator) have been making indian promises again.
where are all my friends?
|
5 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[14 Nov 2004|05:00pm] |
to cold days and nights spent alone I give thanks.
from infatuation with ideals that become gods in our lives,
that we feel we have to fight to follow, that become swords we swallow,
that dance in the dark spaces of sleep that hang above our heads,
that follow us under our skin and underneath our beds,
that make promises inside the grey area of white and black,
always watching, always judging, always fearing, but you can't look back
because they say the past hangs over our heads,
like a mass movement of mothernature when angry and upset,
but its all in growing up and growing out,
in moving on and of itself,
i guess this is the captain screaming jump ship,
i guess this is my heart saying thats it,
the will to live has slipped a disk,
taken too many or not enough risks, grow tired of trying
and bored of beating, the rythems fleeting,
and the patters are all misleading to my/your brain.
BRAIN: playing these games again?
HEART: amen.
BRAIN: well old friend, if its time its time, but what if its benign?
HEART: it cant be, it hurts to much.
BRAIN: like fire to the touch?
HEART: pretty much.
BRAIN: with all my love,
HEART: pull the plug.
"lord watch over this heart of mine, as i walk the line."
(to stranger) good god, ive gone crazy!
(stranger) im not god. youre just lazy.
(to stranger) but its all hazy.
(stranger) then open up your eyes, and really see the world.
(to stranger)the days we spend sleeping
and the nights we spend fucking
isnt that disgusting?
(stranger) i think you need to be a little bit more trusting, do you really need that, you can take it all back if you just forget it.
(to stranger) wow, maybe you really are god.
(stranger) see, you already forgot.
we've lost. we've lost.
i give up my flag,
oh marx! oh marx!
thats really too bad, or just sad
stay strong, stay strong,
youve come so far along,
keep your feet on the ground,
and your values inside,
never forget your pride.
never forget your mothers eyes, or your fathers hands.
no matter how shallow or deep the river lies.
there is always a way to get to the other side.
you can make it if youve made it this far,
you can, you can, amen.
|
1 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[27 Sep 2004|10:23pm] |
i guess i really should just stop pointing fingers,
and start cleaning up my act
this life is tired and dirty sweetheart
but it would kill to have you back
because its different if you cant have it
if you never had it all
but when you started to feel safe
its so much easier to fall.
because new life can make your heart climb
ten fucking thousand feet high
but quiet nightime promises, can just as easily
make it curl up and die.
because what rots off of addiction
is the aftermath of love
and what feeds off of your ego
will never be enough, i know
that its..
just foreplay for your favorite fuck
a shot of guilt for hope enough
that if your eyes will open up tommorow morning
that youll feel used and forgotten
on that lonley hallway floor
trying despratly to remember
what happened the night before,
but you cant youll just learn about it
from the lying mouths of others
and thats neither fact or fiction
because their eyes were just as clouded
but they didnt rain like mine did
to make those rivers on my cheeks
i think if i had the desicion
that i would kill to just be clean again.
i guess that nothing ever comes easy
for our race of severed lies and ties
our uniform of freewill
loves to light matches on our pride
because its the descisons that can kill us
but to pave the way they stimulate us
the statistics simmer with the seriousness
of our own fucked up stupid situations
sweet creator
please fix my broken eyelids
i need to sleep i swear to fuck that im just really tired
and i hallucinate that this was fate
count times and months and weeks, the date
of fantastic fucking friendship
a pride of lions, a fucking murder of crows
a fucking flock of feelings dying in the desert
starving and hungry, this has nothing to do with the money
its just so painted, tainted, dirty, and fake.
that it keeps me awake. it really keeps me awake.
and i really am just tired. a tired liar.
|
10 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
|
[12 Sep 2004|08:16pm] |
dear everyone,
please just know that you know nothing
self involved and tired of pretending that
young and in love never felt as good as this does
or maybe i wont ever be strong enough.
and is it bad taste that i miss your face?
drinking to forget is going out of style.
but do your eyes coincide like a pride of lions?
or ruin lives like a storm passing over islands.
or run away like my eyes from under my eyelids.
but will this moment be more beautiful
when my six string makes all the lonley boys sing
weve got the will and weve got the heart,
we cant come back weve come to far,
and were breathing still weve been taken apart
but there is still beauty in the balance
of my brain and your heart.
but maybe sometime over dinner
we can talk about our future
in the past tense...
and pretend that im not restless
and you can be like your favorite actress
shining in that pretty dress
so fucking far from classless
that it kills me.
and dear sweetheartless, ill tell you that this
is not the ideal situtation that ive read about in books
and seen in the movies
this confuses me because i swore to stay happy
and slept with so much dignity
that it kills me, to be, empty.
love,
|
5 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
| for you! |
[25 Aug 2004|12:18am] |
theres no such thing as heartbreak
when your eyes glide like snakes in tall grass.
i said theres no such thing as real love
when she speaks fluent liar with a straight face.
and are you angry?
do you hate me?
wont you take me?
into your world of the next big thing.
into your heart where canaries sing,
(its cold in here! its cold in here! please help us get out,
we're starving! and shes lying saying she'll find the time to feed our mouths!)
and hot off the press
that comes straight from your chest,
you abandon yesterdays news.
but im not worried sweetheart,
because you have a black heart,
i will not be singing the blues!
i'll be loving your muse'
and letting you choose your path to lonley and friendless
destruction.
because people these days
throw liars away,
and they think what you do is disgusting!
its been dancing on their lips,
well youre promising with your hips
that you really are a good person.
and i have to admit, although now i know its bullshit,
i thought you could have been worth the trouble.
but your spine is like jelly, with his spit in your belly,
your eyes have been beautiful seldom.
this is the "i hate you for being a fucking liar" song,
thats always the secret hit of the album.
|
7 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
| bah bah bah-oh oh oh-uh huh uh huh-show me that class. |
[21 Aug 2004|01:56am] |
this is revival, and we are survival.
i know shes got such a pretty city smile
but hes got such tired eyes, and hes got such lonley pride
and i know hes got a perfect pen,
and i know shes oh so electro in the way that her teeth glow
in the dark.
but he talks so out of tune,
and she walks like wall street,
and ive never seen a stock market crash like i saw in his eyes.
and ive never seen somebody so alive, with arms and eyes wide
the strangest faces and the coldest places
become the kindest strangers and the warmest sensations
with a an old one/two like that at your side.
and sometimes i go to think about him and her,
she and i
girlguy,friendswhy,childbride,takingsides.
in the blackest of backroads
and the brightest of main streets
and ive heard the best stories
about love, betrayal, the strangest settings
and hollywood plots,
and never be sold and never be bought.
falling from the shoulders of giants,
but swearing to god you got back up.
and isnt that what this is all about?
getting back up, because once your high its never enough
and once youve fallen its not so easy to get back up.
but you do, and we do, and they do
we flow down like the river,
but swim up like the fish, between fits and fists
battles of wit, won with a goodbye kiss,
and thats whats beautiful isnt it?
and were whats beautiful. arent we?
arent they?
he she
or you
or me
or us
or trust.
and its all just because,
just because.
 we can.
|
5 nightmares won | The Nightmare Ends?
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
boysnight0ut's journal